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Back once again to dissect a cute little blog post called The Atheist Starter Kit which begins
THE ATHEIST STARTER KIT
If you are a beginner atheist, there's a belief system you should embrace and a language you should learn, or you will find yourself in trouble. Here are ten suggestions for the novice:
FYI "novice" in Bananaman's world means mindless fucking idiot. This is contrasted by "experts" which are totally mindless fucking idiots. Since we already dealt with #3, lets hit....
8. Deal with the threat of eternal punishment by saying that you don't believe in the existence of Hell. Then convince yourself that because you don't believe in something, it therefore doesn't exist. Don't follow that logic onto a railway line and an oncoming train.
Ok there are actually a couple of different points here that are not logically connected. But Bananaman has never been one (as far as I can tell) to let logic screw up an argument. Lets take them one by one.
First: "Deal with the threat of eternal punishment" Wow, good reason to choose a god to worship. The old fear of hell. Yep nothing says true devotion and love like abject horror. Like all those wives who get beaten routinely by their husbands, they love in a way all those unbeaten wives couldn't possibly love their husbands. When your child says he or she loves you, backhand them across the face to help teach them true love or better yet hold them over a well and say your fingers are slipping and its all their fault. That apparently is Bananaman's reason for worshiping his demented fuck of a god. Threat of eternal punishment. Sounds to me in the next rewrite of the old bible, the apostle Paul's name should be changed to Paulie, and John, Johnie, maybe throw in a Luigi or Vinnie, then Don God can call on some true muscle for conversions.
Dear true believers, if at any point you actually use this argument in conversations with potential converts think about this. If indeed fear was the reason you choose to bow down, don't you think an omnipotent god would realize you aren't serious simply scared shitless? Well I was horrified at first, but now I have true love....Yeah yeah, and your daddy only broke your arm because you spilled the milk. Now that you're trying so much harder and being so good, you clearly love your daddy and he you.
Bananaman's idea of god, of course the little thing on top is either the holy spirit or Bananaman himself, I get confused.Second: "convince yourself that because you don't believe in something, it therefore doesn't exist" So many ways to deal with this, brain about to explode. Let's go route Orwell....So by saying not believing in something, therefore it does not exist, you mean like fossils? Biogeography? Biochemical data? DNA sequencing? Laws of physics? Plate tectonics? Nah that's too easy. Let's go route Luther....So by saying not believing in something, therefore it does not exist, you mean like the mythologies of Islamics? Wiccans? Norse? Greeks? Apaches? I get so confused, why is your myth better than all these others? What truly and tangibly separates them? I know your god threatens eternal suffering (w00t him), but so do most of the others, its kind of a way to guarantee control of the masses and for those human beings at the top of a given religion to maintain power.
How about if you believe in something, you provide evidence that it exists. Oh and burnt toast with Norman Rockwell styled pictures of Jesus don't count. (kind of dropped the ball from the old talking burning bush days). You don't believe the Nigerian Prince has $175,000,000 and will give a portion of it to you, just send along your bank account information? Well your lack of belief doesn't mean it doesn't exist, so send along your information post haste....otherwise you'll suffer eternally BWAH HAHAHAHA.
Third: "Don't follow that logic onto a railway line and an oncoming train." Non-sequitur much Bananaman? Ok, you believe you have one chance at life and that's it. Yep, better kill yourself. How about, you think your message is so important to get people right with the fear and horror about crossing your god, why don't you step in front of the train Bananaman? Surely old goddie will spare you to do the good work and maybe will do it with enough flair to actually provide some evidence of his existence. Worse comes to worse, he sleeps in, but you'll still be trucking straight to box seats to watch the rest of us burning it up for eternity (why do so many fundamentalists seem to get a spiritual stiffy when they think of non-believers suffering eternally?)
Bananaman logic
1. If you don't believe in hell
2. Then convince yourself it doesn't exist (this is a totally redundant and could be said to logically come from 1, kind of)
3. Kill yourself (this logically....wait, what now? Did someone forget his banana meds?)
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